Archive for Uncategorized

I am often working with parents who are struggling with their toddler’s behavior in public, with the worst scenarios being an all out toddler temper tantrum.  Whether it is an evening at the local restaurant, a shopping trip to the grocery store, or a trip to Disney World, many parents find it a challenge to deal with their toddler tantrums.  Even the warm up to the tantrum, such as your toddler whining endlessly while waiting in checkout can be both embarrassing and frustrating.  Many of these warm-up moments of whining and negativity are signs of the ongoing tantrums.  Not always…and not with every toddler.  But often!

When the full toddler meltdown happens, for many of you…you get the whole arsenal of tantrum goodies.  These meltdowns in public can include whining, crying, stomping feet, throwing whatever is handy, falling to the floor, screaming…all leading to full-throttle, give it all you got… public temper tantrum.

Look:  There is a secret to dealing with these public tantrums.  I have outlined my fundamental strategy below.  (Note:  In my full Toddler Tantrum Fixer download package, I include a comprehensive game plan for handling public tantrums of any severity.  You may want to check it out later)

The Three Strike Rule For Toddler Temper Tantrums

The Three Strike Rule was developed from the same principles in my Toddler Tantrum Fixer program, and gives you an amazing formula that honors your role as a parent, honors your child’s intuitive capacity to learn, and ultimately establish his healthily boundaries on behavior.  No more temper tantrums, and no more worries about those meltdowns or tantrums!

The process is relatively simple.  This doesn’t always mean it will be easy…at least for a few days.  The REAL SECRET to any effective behavior change process is that you DO NOT run from the problem situation.  Instead, you teach FROM and THROUGH the problem situation.  More on this point later… for now:  Let’s get rolling.

Here’s how it works: First, you have a very brief chat, assuming your toddler is developmentally there….using and understanding basic vocabulary.  Nothing complex…we keep it very simple.

You explain to your toddler, or even older children, that you have established a new public rule that you will call the “three strike rule.”  You explain what specific behaviors you expect in public, and that these healthy, responsible and respectful actions will always mean that there will be no problems.

You also explain the types of behaviors that will get them in trouble.  Temper tatrums, fighting between siblings, screaming or yelling, or incessant whining and complaining will all be considered “problem behaviors.”  I would also include destroying any property, or disrespect to mom or dad or other adults.

Let them know that they will want to remember because these problem behaviors all fit into the new Three Strike Rule.

Now, if you have a very young toddler, and this seems too complex:  don’t worry.  Skip number one…and just follow the rest of this.

Quite honestly, it will work just as well.  IT MIGHT take a few more experiences for them to ‘get it.’  But I promise…they will get it.  Next…

The Three Strike Rule will work like this.

Strike One: this is for the first time anyone steps over the line, and has a temper tantrum, a meltdown, an outburst, or any problem behavior.  You simply let them know, “Strike One. We are going to take a break.”

Regardless of what you are doing or what you are engaged in, take your children by the hand and walk to a bench, or an area out of the way, where you can sit quietly.  I like walking to the car, even if it is a ways because you can have more control over stimulation in the car.  If there is an all out tantrum, simple physically remove them to the car, wait until no noise and then start the five minute timer.  Let them know that once they are perfectly quiet, you’ll then take five minutes before anyone leaves or moves.  If they want to talk, let them know the five minutes starts over again.

Once the five minutes is up, you can return to your shopping or your dinning experience.  This simple action has a very powerful effect, because of the boredom factor.

KEY POINT:  If you want this to work, you can not pretend that you can skip this when it’s inconvenient.  You must do this…regardless.  In other words, you must follow through with the steps…even when it is a HUGE hassle for you, eats up your time, and perhaps even causes you to miss an appointment.  Follow-through is essential in the early stages…as this is the teaching phase.

If you do this now… you will never have to deal with such craziness for the next 15 years!  Moving on….

Strike Two: This occurs if there is a second problematic behavior, such as a temper tantrum or meltdown.  After you return to your shopping, dinning, or whatever recreation you are doing, you continue on as if nothing had happened.  However, if the behavior is over the line that you have established, you now announce, “Strike Two. We are going to take another break.”

Again, drop what you are doing, and find a bench to sit on. If you have to go to the car you do so.  If you are in a restaurant, ask the waiter to hold the food a few minutes while you go to the car, and let them know you will be back.  Be patient in these early days of training!

Once again, you allow for whatever whining or complaining to occur.  Only after there is quiet for five minutes do you return.

Strike Three: While it will be unusual for you to get to Strike Three, it sometimes happens.  When you reach Strike Three, you let the children know that you are done.  Wherever you are, or whatever you are doing, pack it up and you head home.  As you get to the car, you make sure that you take another five minute time out before the car moves.  This may take awhile, as you may be getting a lot of whining, complaining, or outbursts from the children.  Just let them have these moments, and wait for the five minutes of silence.

You then return home.  If you were at Disney World you go back to your room, if you were at a restaurant you take the food to go, or you could simply pay the bill and  walk away and leave it on the table.

It is essential not to get too concerned about the drama that enfolds the first couple of times that you follow through with the Three Strike Rule.  For many children, you are going to get some drama.  For some, big drama!

Make sure you do not get sucked into the drama.  Allow them to have the drama, and just stick to your guns on the consequences.  Think of this “training” as a mini-boot camp.  Once you get through a couple of weeks, and 4-6 learning sessions, you will have very, very few problems in public.

Over the years, I have worked with hundreds of family’s with similar situations.  Over and over again, I find that parents rarely get to the point of having to execute Strike Three.  If they do so, it has an impact which is significant, and they virtually never have to do it again.

The “magic” in this simple formula is in leading with your actions, and not your words.  This is very similar to the philosophy in my Tantrum Fixer program.  You do not have to remind the children every time of the Three Strike Rule.  After you have explained it, and having experienced it a couple times, you’ll find that they explain it to all of their friends, rather than you having to explain it.  They really get it.

If you follow that simple formula, you’ll see that your children will learn to respect the limits you set for them in public.  I wish you only the best.

Pick Your Own Rating. Select The Rating By Hovering Over Star Then Click...





Ratings: 4.3 out of 5 based on 229 ratings

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)

I am often working with parents who are struggling with their toddler’s behavior in public, with the worst scenarios being an all out toddler temper tantrum.  Whether it is an evening at the local restaurant, a shopping trip to the grocery store, or a trip to Disney World, many parents find it a challenge to deal with their toddler tantrums.  Even the warm up to the tantrum, such as your toddler whining endlessly while waiting in checkout can be both embarrassing and frustrating.  Many of these warm-up moments of whining and negativity are signs of the ongoing tantrums.  Not always…and not with every toddler.  But often!

When the full toddler meltdown happens, for many of you…you get the whole arsenal of tantrum goodies.  These meltdowns in public can include whining, crying, stomping feet, throwing whatever is handy, falling to the floor, screaming…all leading to full-throttle, give it all you got… public temper tantrum.

Look:  There is a secret to dealing with these public tantrums.  I have outlined my fundamental strategy below.  (Note:  In my full Toddler Tantrum Fixer download package, I include a comprehensive game plan for handling public tantrums of any severity.  You may want to check it out later)

The Three Strike Rule For Toddler Temper Tantrums

The Three Strike Rule was developed from the same principles in my Toddler Tantrum Fixer program, and gives you an amazing formula that honors your role as a parent, honors your child’s intuitive capacity to learn, and ultimately establish his healthily boundaries on behavior.  No more temper tantrums, and no more worries about those meltdowns or tantrums!

The process is relatively simple.  This doesn’t always mean it will be easy…at least for a few days.  The REAL SECRET to any effective behavior change process is that you DO NOT run from the problem situation.  Instead, you teach FROM and THROUGH the problem situation.  More on this point later… for now:  Let’s get rolling.

Here’s how it works: First, you have a very brief chat, assuming your toddler is developmentally there….using and understanding basic vocabulary.  Nothing complex…we keep it very simple.

You explain to your toddler, or even older children, that you have established a new public rule that you will call the “three strike rule.”  You explain what specific behaviors you expect in public, and that these healthy, responsible and respectful actions will always mean that there will be no problems.

You also explain the types of behaviors that will get them in trouble.  Temper tatrums, fighting between siblings, screaming or yelling, or incessant whining and complaining will all be considered “problem behaviors.”  I would also include destroying any property, or disrespect to mom or dad or other adults.

Let them know that they will want to remember because these problem behaviors all fit into the new Three Strike Rule.

Now, if you have a very young toddler, and this seems too complex:  don’t worry.  Skip number one…and just follow the rest of this.

Quite honestly, it will work just as well.  IT MIGHT take a few more experiences for them to ‘get it.’  But I promise…they will get it.  Next…

The Three Strike Rule will work like this.

Strike One: this is for the first time anyone steps over the line, and has a temper tantrum, a meltdown, an outburst, or any problem behavior.  You simply let them know, “Strike One. We are going to take a break.”

Regardless of what you are doing or what you are engaged in, take your children by the hand and walk to a bench, or an area out of the way, where you can sit quietly.  I like walking to the car, even if it is a ways because you can have more control over stimulation in the car.  If there is an all out tantrum, simple physically remove them to the car, wait until no noise and then start the five minute timer.  Let them know that once they are perfectly quiet, you’ll then take five minutes before anyone leaves or moves.  If they want to talk, let them know the five minutes starts over again.

Once the five minutes is up, you can return to your shopping or your dinning experience.  This simple action has a very powerful effect, because of the boredom factor.

KEY POINT:  If you want this to work, you can not pretend that you can skip this when it’s inconvenient.  You must do this…regardless.  In other words, you must follow through with the steps…even when it is a HUGE hassle for you, eats up your time, and perhaps even causes you to miss an appointment.  Follow-through is essential in the early stages…as this is the teaching phase.

If you do this now… you will never have to deal with such craziness for the next 15 years!  Moving on….

Strike Two: This occurs if there is a second problematic behavior, such as a temper tantrum or meltdown.  After you return to your shopping, dinning, or whatever recreation you are doing, you continue on as if nothing had happened.  However, if the behavior is over the line that you have established, you now announce, “Strike Two. We are going to take another break.”

Again, drop what you are doing, and find a bench to sit on. If you have to go to the car you do so.  If you are in a restaurant, ask the waiter to hold the food a few minutes while you go to the car, and let them know you will be back.  Be patient in these early days of training!

Once again, you allow for whatever whining or complaining to occur.  Only after there is quiet for five minutes do you return.

Strike Three: While it will be unusual for you to get to Strike Three, it sometimes happens.  When you reach Strike Three, you let the children know that you are done.  Wherever you are, or whatever you are doing, pack it up and you head home.  As you get to the car, you make sure that you take another five minute time out before the car moves.  This may take awhile, as you may be getting a lot of whining, complaining, or outbursts from the children.  Just let them have these moments, and wait for the five minutes of silence.

You then return home.  If you were at Disney World you go back to your room, if you were at a restaurant you take the food to go, or you could simply pay the bill and  walk away and leave it on the table.

It is essential not to get too concerned about the drama that enfolds the first couple of times that you follow through with the Three Strike Rule.  For many children, you are going to get some drama.  For some, big drama!

Make sure you do not get sucked into the drama.  Allow them to have the drama, and just stick to your guns on the consequences.  Think of this “training” as a mini-boot camp.  Once you get through a couple of weeks, and 4-6 learning sessions, you will have very, very few problems in public.

Over the years, I have worked with hundreds of family’s with similar situations.  Over and over again, I find that parents rarely get to the point of having to execute Strike Three.  If they do so, it has an impact which is significant, and they virtually never have to do it again.

The “magic” in this simple formula is in leading with your actions, and not your words.  This is very similar to the philosophy in my Tantrum Fixer program.  You do not have to remind the children every time of the Three Strike Rule.  After you have explained it, and having experienced it a couple times, you’ll find that they explain it to all of their friends, rather than you having to explain it.  They really get it.

If you follow that simple formula, you’ll see that your children will learn to respect the limits you set for them in public.  I wish you only the best.

Pick Your Own Rating. Select The Rating By Hovering Over Star Then Click...





Ratings: 4.3 out of 5 based on 229 ratings

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)

Many times parents ask me to give it to them “straight” when seeking help for toddler temper tantrums.  They want help now!  The toddler tantrum can take many forms;  from whining that builds to crying, to screaming and toddler meltdowns.  To be effective, parents need precision in stopping toddler tantrums.

As a Licensed Psychologist, I try to give them the most important information first because I never know how long I will hold their attention.  Here is the first lesson I always offer parents when teaching them my Toddler Tantrum Fixer approach.

Key Point: “Where you keep investing your attention, your child will keep investing their energy.”

Please sit with that for a moment, because it is truly the most powerful lesson you can master here.

So How Does This Work?

Where your attention (repeatedly and consistently) goes, their energy flows.

This simple statement reflects the primary way that you directly shape your child’s behavior and emotions.  This principle does not reflect a short term, immediate fix approach to behavior change.

Read More→

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)

I am often working with parents who are frustrated when they go shopping with their children.  They go out to buy their children some new clothes and all their children do is whine and complain and sometimes throw temper tantrums.  They complain because it takes to long, or because they didn’t get what they want, or they have to wait on their brother or sister.  Some children meltdown and throw those ugly, extreme off the wall temper tantrums that are embarrassing and upsetting.

In this article, I reveal three of my key strategies for effective parenting in public. As a Licensed Psychologist and author of the Tantrum Fixer program, I have developed a simple set of clear strategies that will help you have peace and harmony.   Whether it’s shopping at the mall, or going to the grocery store, there are several key principles that will help you stay focused, and create a pleasant experience, with no temper tantrums or outbursts.

Read More→

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)

When dealing with toddlers who are struggling with behavior problems, such as toddler tantrums, whining or meltdowns, our tendency is often to end up responding to them with lots of instructive words.  In other words, we tell them what they need to do.  We do it over and over again.

In fact, the more a toddler tantrums, we often make the mistake of putting more and more effort into controlling their behaviors.

If we get frustrated, we can talk in very controlling ways.  We speak to them as if we have control over them, and we don’t.

Do We Control Our Children?

The bottom line is that we don’t control our children.  The more that we end up falling into the trap of trying to control them, when we don’t have control, the more we end up in futile battles and constant struggles.

Read More→

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)

As a Licensed Psychologist and Parenting Specialist, I am often speaking to parents about how to stop tantrums, and how to reduce aggression and anger in children.  I find myself repeatedly pointing to a growing trend in our culture, which helps to explain many issues which childhood anger, temper tantrums, violence and aggression.

This trend reflects a significant division between two categories of children.  Those
“under the spell” of their TV, and those children that aren’t.  For those children that aren’t caught by the spell of their TV, there are significantly less struggles with violence, anger and temper tantrums.  As time goes on, this group tends to watch an hour or so of TV per day, or less, and seem to have a focus on some combination of academic, recreational or social activities in a balanced manner.  These kids generally go forward through high school with relative success, happiness and a bright future.  (Note that this does not happen without parental intervention and guidance however.)

Read More→

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)

Does it seem like your kids do more whining than ever?

In my private practice as a licensed  psychologist, I get more and more questions from parents about their kids who seem to be incessantly whining and complaining.  Many parents see this lead to toddler tantrums and meltdowns.  While this may or may not be your child’s profile, it’s important to be aware of the dangers inherent in whining as a favorite past time for your son or daughter.

The dangers of whining and toddler tantrums.

  1. Whining is not attractive to anyone.
  2. As your kids get older and older, they’ll find themselves more and more connected with peers who tend to be whiners as well.  Happy, joyful and actively engaged peers will find such incessant whining and complaining unpleasant and will move on.

  3. Whining often leads to toddler tantrums, which destroy happiness.
  4. Toddlers can begin to fall into a pattern that worsens over time.  As these children get older, their whining and toddler tantrums become more extreme and violent.

    With every tantrum or meltdown, your child’s happiness is depleted.  The emotion is more extreme, more intense and out of proportion with what makes sense.  Whining does not always lead to these extreme tantrums, but often you find the two showing up together.

    Read More→

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)

Over the years in working with thousands of families, I regularly speak with parents who abort their trip to Disney World and return home early due to frustrations and disappointments with their children’s behavior.  Many times, it’s a child’s repeated temper tantrums that are the cause.  While leaving Disney may sound extreme, it’s actually more common than you might imagine.

After all, how many days of whining and tantrums could you take?  How many days of constant negotiation and screaming battles would wear you out?  And what’s worse…many of you feel helpless in these situations.

Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way.  Pay close attention to these three mistakes, and you have a good sense about how to stay out of trouble on your trip to Disney World.

Read More→

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (0)